Mocking the World since 2003

Monday, February 09, 2004

Celebrity Endorsements: Healing the World One Stupid Comment at a Time 

Recently celebrities have been lending their clout to political issues and these endorsements have brought about amazing changes in the political landscape. For example, several weeks ago Michael Moore endorsed Clark and labeled Bush a deserter in one breath. It was endorsements like this that brought Clark's poll numbers to where they are today. Also, that deep thinker Drew Barrymore was designated a "Friend of the UN" last week. She made the UN look super-smart by saying things like "To be philanthropic is weirdly not as easy as you want it to be because the information and the resources aren't as available as they should be." I know, Drew. Libraries are very daunting. First you have to find the books, and then you have to read them.

But recent celebrity endorsements were topped off by Moby's genius idea for how John Kerry can win the general election in November.
You target [Bush's] natural constituencies. For example, you can go on all the pro-life chat rooms and say you're an outraged right-wing voter and that you know that George Bush drove an ex-girlfriend to an abortion clinic and paid for her to get an abortion. Then you go to an anti-immigration Web site chat room and ask, 'What's all this about George Bush proposing amnesty for illegal aliens?'
Perfect. Then you, like, send letter bombs full of shards of glass and Ricin to, I don't know, say Billy Graham and include a note that says "Hugs and Kisses, Dubya". Not only will Billy Graham and the entire Christian Coalition think that Bush is trying to mail bomb them, but since you signed the card "Dubya" they'll never suspect a Kerry supporter of being the true source. Excellent suggestion. Keep up the good work, Moby.

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