Mocking the World since 2003

Friday, January 30, 2004

Excuse Me while I Puke 

Warning: This is extremely disgusting.

This guy looks normal, doesn't he? His name is Armin Meiwes, and he was just convicted in Germany of manslaughter for eating and killing another man. That's bad enough, but it gets worse: "Meiwes recalled how he began the killing by cutting off the victim's penis at the victim's request, how they fried it in a pan and tried but failed to eat it."

The other guy was still alive and he cut off his dick and tried to feed it to him! EW!! Pardon me, I have to go barf. SICK!



Thursday, January 29, 2004

Photos From New Hampshire 

I've managed to put together some photos from my campaign trip to Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Now my loyal readers (all 3 of you) can see the Democratic Primary from the front lines.

Kerry, Clark, and Kucinich supporters gaining support for their candidates in the Portsmouth center.

Kerry and Dean supporters vying for prime sidewalk space in Portsmouth Center.

This Kucinich supporter from Ohio traveled all the way from Iowa to campaign in Portsmouth. There were several Kucinich supporters walking around the town center wearing similar sandwich boards. They were out all day long (and it was very cold).

A loyal Kerry supporter who was well prepared for the weather.

I will have more photos from New Hampshire soon.

Related Post: New Hampshire Highlights

You'll Poke your Eye Out 

CNN reports that some Bowflexes are being recalled due to "safety problems that have resulted in more than 70 injuries". Oh, but they always looked so sturdy! I never feared one of those cables snapping and poking my eye out.

The lesson here: Don't exercise. I learned that lesson long ago, and I'll have you know that although I am 40 pounds overweight, I still have both of my eyes.


Judge to R Kelly: Stay Away from Other Famous Perverts 

In a bizzaro ruling, a Chicago judge banned R Kelly from speaking to Michael Jackson at the Grammy Awards. According to R Kelly's people, he had no intention of speaking to Jackson at the Grammys, and Jackson is not even planned to attend the event.

Basically this judge has ruled that one well-known sicko cannot speak to another well-known sicko. The judge better prevent R Kelly and Jacko from speaking to Woody Allen and Roman Polanksi before they all start a child brothel.



Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Topher's Lost his Grace 

Standard Deviance is a huge fan of That 70s Show, mostly because Red Forman is very similar to an overbearing dad we know. So, by association, we love Topher Grace. And we felt he did a very nice job in Traffic. But Win a Date with Tad Hamilton? We know, we know, someone has to pay the bills, but this movie looks really bad. Kinda like From Justin to Kelly. Oh Topher, what were you thinking?

He even looks cheesy in his photos now. Come on, Topher. Where's that Eric Foreskin spunk?


News Alert: Tiny White Flakes Falling from the Sky 

In case you didn't know, it is snowing. But no need to worry, the news media has all the information you need.
Check out the coverage:
People are Sick of the Cold, but it Keeps Snowing [New York Times]
When it's Cold and Snowy, Sometimes there's Ice [New York Post]
If there is Snow on the Ground, People have to Use Shovels to Move It [New York Daily News]
And finally Candy-Asses in DC Run Home to Hide from the Scary Snow [WTOP]

Alright already! It's snowing! No shit, look out the window. Can we talk about something else now?


Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Results for Dixville Notch are In 

All votes have been cast for Dixville Notch, NH, where residents typically cast their primary votes just after midnight. Here are the results:

Democratic Primary
Total number of voters: 15
Clark : 8 votes
Kerry : 3 votes
Edwards: 2 votes
Dean: 1 vote
Lieberman:1 vote

Republican Primary
Total number of voters:11
George Bush: 11 votes

Clark wins Dixville Notch by a landslide [CNN]

Poll Roundup 

Boston Globe/WBZ-TV N.H. Democratic primary Poll
(Sample size = 400 , +/-5%)

Kerry 37
Dean 20
Edwards 12
Clark 8
Lieberman 7
Undecided 16

Analysis using error: Dean is 7 points behind Kerry. Dean and Edwards are in a dead heat. Edwards, Clark and Lieberman are in a dead heat.

MSNBC/Reuters Zogby Poll — New Hampshire
(Sample Size = 684, +/- 3.8%)

Kerry 34
Dean 22
Edwards 10
Lieberman 9
Clark 7
Kucinich 2
Sharpton .4
Someone else 2
Not sure 12

Analysis using error: Dean is 4.4 points behind Kerry. Edwards is 4.4 points behind Dean. Edwards, Lieberman and Clark are in a dead heat.

USA TODAY/CNN/Gallup N.H. tracking poll
(Sample Size = 970, +/- 4%)

Kerry 36
Dean 25
Clark 13
Lieberman 10
Edwards 10
Kucinich 1
Sharpton 1
None/other/no opinion 4

Analysis using error: Dean is 3 points behind Kerry. Clark is 4 points behind Dean. Clark, Lieberman and Edwards are all in a dead heat.

Boston Herald Poll
(Sample Size = 501, +/- 4.4%)

Kerry 31
Dean 21
Clark 16
Edwards 11
Lieberman 4

Analysis using error: Dean is 1.2 points behind Kerry. Dean and Clark are in a dead heat. Clark and Edwards are in a dead heat. Edwards and Lieberman are in a dead heat.

Final Analysis: Kucinich and Sharpton are losing. Otherwise, who knows?


Monday, January 26, 2004

You Hungry? Want an Atom Feed? 

For all of you blog-a-maniacs out there, Standard Deviance now has an Atom feed. This is quite similar to an RSS feed and works in many newsreaders including Bloglines, NewsMonster, NewzCrawler, NewsGator, and BottomFeeder. This a service that was very recently launched by Blogger, and thus may still have some glitches. Let me know if you have any problems, and I will try to sort them out.

More About Atom [Blogger Support]
What is RSS? [SearchEngineWatch.com]

The Guardian's Take on Wesley Clark 

Those Brits don't mince words:
"[General Clark] faces charges of carpetbagging from the candidates who have been in the party longer than he has - ie since before they decided to run for president."

Ouch. Next thing you know the Guardian's going to be talking smack about Clark's argyle sweaters.

The Guardian

Highlights from New Hampshire 

Standard Deviance went to Portsmouth, New Hampshire this weekend to campaign for John Kerry. Here are some of the highlights:
- Saturday's Weather: Temp 9 degrees Fahrenheit, Windchill -10 degrees Fahrenheit.
-While standing in Portsmouth center holding signs, Kerry, Dean, Clark, and Kucinich volunteers all get along famously. However Edwards and Lieberman volunteers are nowhere to be found in Portsmouth.
-Kucinich headquarters in Portsmouth displays a very large sign that says "Office Space for Lease".
-Kerry and Dean volunteers (including yours truly) may appear briefly in a MTV News Choose or Lose special to air on February 2nd.
-After canvassing for 2 hours (roughly 20 homes) only 4 people answer the door and most refuse to say who they're voting for or whether they're voting at all.
-Kerry Portsmouth headquarters is heated entirely by spaceheaters and thus very very cold.
-Bathroom at said headquarters is unusable as pipes are frozen. Kerry staffers and volunteers walk down the street to the Mobile gas station to use the bathroom.
-Note to self: Never, ever leave New York City again without a car, especially when getting frostbite is a real possibility.


Friday, January 23, 2004

The Week in Blog 

** The Dean Scream. Bloggers react:
- Commentary: Dave Winer tells that the scream is part of the greater motivational strategy of Dean for America [via BuzzMachine]
BuzzMachine has oodles and oodles on the subject so check it out here
- Audio: Speech remixes galore[DeanGoesnuts.com via Wonkette]
- Pictures: Dean as a Wrestler [Swamp City] and Dean as DeanWolf [Yours Truly, Standard Deviance].
** Other Primary Humor: There were all kinds of John Kerry separated at birth pictures this week. Gothamist shows Kerry as Herman Munster, Whatevs shows him as a Severed Head, and Wonkette shows him as the Old Man in the Mountain.
** Blogging in the News: The New York Times did a piece about Google Bombing, which, according to Night In the Big City, described the process in such detail that even "a deranged monkey could figure out how it is done". Let me look into the future. I see children on Live Journal Google bombing the phrase "best site ever" onto a blog entitled "Ashliegh's Kewl Planet".
** Anil Dash has several quality links this week, including Dubya diverting questions by talking ribs, crazy dog owners meeting other crazy dog owners on Dogster, and losers who can't make friends on Friendster of Dogster, turning to Google's Orkut(ster).
** If you need motivation to keep that New Years Resolution to lose weight check out this weight loss diary, via Kottke.org. His results are amazing.
** Gizmodo features an I-pod knock-off. My first instinct is to check out the price, but the damn website's in Japanese! Can someone translate the price for me? And then figure out the Dollar-Yen exchange rate?
** Swamp City has lovely pictures of Silvio Berlusconi before-and-after his "vacation". It has been rumored that Mr. Berlusconi had plastic surgery and thus had to remain cloistered until healed. Score 1 for the European Rumor Mill.
** VH1 has created yet another pop-culture series, entitled Best Week Ever, which Uncle Grambo at Whatevs describes as “the bangin' slut who stole your virginity in the back of a limo". The show even has a blog. Normally, I would say tsk tsk for a corporation foisting a blog upon the reading public, but this blog is actually funny, so everyone go ahead and click Blogroll It!
** And finally, the Gawker family gave birth to a bouncing baby girl today named Wonkette. Standard Deviance is very excited about this addition to the blogging world. Finally a Gawker for all of us who don’t know shit about Conde Nast. And plus, she claims to have a poor grasp of grammar and spelling, so hopefully her readers will be less likely to notice my many many errors.

2004: A Space Odyssey 

It seems that besides the democratic primary race, the only other thing the New York Times is covering is space. The Spirit Rover landed on Mars, rolled off its ship, lost contact, and then regained contact. A European satelite spots ice on Mars. Brazil's sattelite-rocket blows up (which actually happened in August but was reported in the Times today). China is speeding ahead to get a man on the moon and Bush wants people to live on the moon. They even reported on the conspiracy theories surrounding the Mars landing.

Space is, like, important and all, but we would really prefer it if the Times reported on interesting stuff like the Bennifer breakup, 'kay?

Standard Deviance goes to New Hampshire 

Hey everyone, this is Ellen. I'm going to New Hampshire this weekend to campaign for John Kerry. I've had a long relationship with the Kerry staff, after spending many a summer stuffing envelopes and signing John Kerry's name with the autopen. So although there will be minimal posting on Saturday and Sunday (unless I can wrestle a computer away from a Kerry Staffer), there will be a full report on everything New Hampshire when I return, a la MSNBC's Campaign Embeds. However, no need to fret over the Week in Blog, I will have it posted before I board the Kerry Bus Saturday morning.

Check him out at JohnKerry.com.
And check out profiles of all the candidates at the New York Times

Bennifer's Over 

Thank god, we were sick of it anyway. Hopefully she'll get back together with Puffy. He's funny. And better with his money. You don't see him losing thousands of dollars in Vegas. Newsflash for Ben: Losing lots of money means you're a bad gambler, not a good one.

New York Post


Thursday, January 22, 2004

Nets Move to Brooklyn 

Everyone is going bonkers over the Nets moving to Brooklyn. The New York Times has literally 5 articles covering the subject today, a map of the Net's new digs, and a timeline following their history. Newsday covers the protests of the residents surrounding the new stadium. But no one seems to be focusing in on the most important part of this story : THE YANKEES NO LONGER OWN THE NETS!

Let's look at the plight of a Boston transplant living in New York. Such a person might like to adopt a team to cheer for in her new town, but all New York teams seem to be unacceptable:

Yankees- hate them hate them hate them
Mets - They beat the Sox in 86, so that's out
Giants - Impossible to get a ticket for their games
Jets - The Tuna left the Pats for the Jets, and there's been a rivalry ever since
Hockey - Sorry, the Bostonian in question doesn't really follow Hockey
Knicks - age old rivelry with the Celtics
Nets - Owned by the Yankees and thus part of the Evil Empire

But now, the Nets are free! Transplanted Bostonians can rejoice - we can cheer for a New York team!

Buy your Nets Tickets Now!


Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Dean Wolf 

The animal inside comes out. It's amazing what you can do with some ingenuity and a little bit of Photoshop.

Also check out some funky Dean music at Barlow Farms.

More Dean Wolf

Celebrity Pyromaniacs? 

New Yorkish had a piece yesterday detailing Rachel Hunter's destruction of an entire Mexican villa by leaving burning aromatherapy candles while she went out to dinner. Reading Page Six today brought on an eerie sense of deja-vu. Apparently Natalie Cole, Nat King Cole's daughter and world-renowned screw-up, set a fire in the Mar-a-lago club in Palm Beach. She was preparing to perform when her two power strips, laden with numerous beauty tools, short circuited. Following these two stories, the question begs itself: are celebrities inherently pyromaniacs? Fire brings light and attention, which celebrities crave, and it also brings death and destruction, which any E!True Hollywood Story can tell you is the fated path for most celebrities. So, watch out next time you're with a celebrity and a lighter - you may end up singed.

New York Post

More Michael Jackson Media Scandals 

It seems CBS learned their little Michael Jackson media tango from the big boys at NBC. Loyal readers may remember our piece on CBS effectively paying Michael Jackson for an interview over the holidays. Last February, NBC pulled a similar stunt. After the Martin Bashir documentary there was a bidding war between the networks for an interview with Jackson. NBC told Jackson that if he agreed to an interview, in addition to receiving $5 million for the rights to the footage, a 1 hour Dateline special entitled "Michael Jackson, Unmasked" would be cancelled. And, what's worse, they made the offer in writing. NBC, let Standard Deviance give you a piece of advice: Never, ever, do anything unethical in writing! It is very difficult to argue with a memo that includes the name of the president of the network. Tsk tsk, we thought NBC was craftier than this.

These Michael Jackson media scandals seem quite similar to the dilemmas found in Lord of the Rings. An interview with Michael Jackson is like having the ring of power, but it is an evil power. Just as Boromir and Faramir get CRAZY trying to get that ring from Frodo, these networks seem to be losing their knowledge of what is right or wrong in their quest to get the interview. Elijah Wood should take Michael Jackson and throw him into the fires of Mordor so we can all be spared these scandals.

New York Times


Tuesday, January 20, 2004

John Kerry - What a Fighter 

Part of the Kerry Campaign's turnaround certainly has to do with his PR people emphasizing his service in Vietnam. They are deterimined to have Americans see him as a fighter. Check out these excerpts from his speech:

I make you this pledge: I have only just begun to fight. In the months and years ahead, I pledge that I will be fighting for you and for all Americans across this country...
I ask you to go to JohnKerry.com and join us as we fight to change America and move this country forward.
This fight is about real people all across our country who wonder whether or not our government is prepared to stand up and fight for them rather than those who have the money and the power. It's a fight for people like Elizabeth Hendricks[sp?] from Des Moines...
And I ask you to join me in continuing this fight. And in New Hampshire I ask people to join me in fighting for people like John and Maryann Knowles[sp?] of Hudson, N.H....
We came from behind and we came for the fight.

He could probably ease up on the fight stuff a teensy little bit.

Fight Club

Democrats are Funny 

Oh, after last night there is SO much to blog about. Where to begin?

Well, we really must start with Dean's concession speech. I've never seen a concession speech before where the loser cheers and yelps like a hyena. It's quite impressive that he can name all 50 states and the District of Columbia. Okay lets watch the video.


Okay let's watch it again.


Sorry, give me a minute while I compose myself. Oh, that is funny shit.

There's an animal in Dean just bursting to come out. It must be Dean Wolf. I wonder if when he gets excited like that if he also becomes the star player for his high school basketball team.

Text of the Speeches via NYT


Monday, January 19, 2004

The New York Times on Annoying Ads  

The New York Times reported today on the increasing popularity of blockers for pop-up ads. They describe pop-up ads as being "among the most intrusive, and to many people, the most obnoxious features on the Internet." Lately, when Standard Deviance has clicked on a New York Times article to read, an entire page ad has appeared. The reader is then redirected to the article after a short period. Pop-up ads can be closed with a click of the mouse, but this full page ad must be endured until you are redirected to the article. This seems much more "obnoxious" than a pop up ad. Glass houses, people.

New York Times


Sunday, January 18, 2004

The Week In Blog 

** Blogging's in the news. The New York Times does a piece on teeny-bopper bloggers. Even Matt Lauer gets in on the act in a Today Show parenting piece. Matt keeps asking questions like "What do kids write on these blogs?" as if to say "What do kids write on these Satanic Corrupting Webportals to Hell?"
** Bloggers Respond: Gothamist tells of a time when kids published their ideas in paper newsletters distributed by hand. Wasn't that around the time that the Ford Model T was invented? And Enraged Baboon Headquarters (it's not a blog, I swear, please don't hurt me, you scary baboon!) has a few choice words to say on the topic, like f*cker, p*ssy, and loser.
** Belle De Jour, everyone's favorite London prostitute blog declares "Anal sex is the new black" to which Gawker replies "And Blowjobs Are the Navy Blue of the Indies". Following the recent low temperatures in New York, nightinthebigcity designates cold as the new black. Well, Standard Deviance firmly believes second base is the new eggshell, while 76 degrees is certainly the new taupe. If that makes any sense.
** The Morning News claims New Years dieting will be different this year. I, personally, am determined to lose the 10 pounds I gained over Christmas. And the 10 pounds I gained over the summer. And the 10 pounds I gained last Christmas. Seriously.
** Olivia Goldsmith, author of the First Wives Club, dies due to complications from a facelift, reports Gawker via This is London. This is particularly tragic given Standard Deviance's recent mocking of those who over-indulge in cosmetic surgery.
** Gawker's hiring. Maybe you blog-a-holics can get paid for this. No, not you 13 year-olds blogging about your crush Timmy Johnson. You, over there, the angsty blogger sitting in the closet you call your East Village apartment claiming to be a "freelance writer". We all know Daddy's sending you a check every month, so pony up and apply for this job so you can pay for your own Pabst Blue Ribbon.
** If you are a yogurt fan, there's even more employment out there for young bloggers. Stoneyfield Farm via Anil Dash.
** Spalding Gray's disappearance deeply disturbs the folks at Gawker and Gothamist. However, it leaves Standard Deviance asking, who the hell is Spalding Gray?
** Swamp City suggests Paris Hilton run for the Democratic Nomination to inject some smoking good looks into the campaign.
** In related news, Paris's candidacy is unnecessary because it turns out Dean's a hottie. Who knew? Wage Slave Journal
** Plasticbag.org creates a work of quite funny spam art. What next, pop-up ad art?
** This week's sign that the apocalypse is upon us: New Yorkish gives a very detailed report on the evils of Walmart, which includes the horrifying information that the national chain is planning to open a store in Brooklyn.


Saturday, January 17, 2004

The Long Arm of the Government Touches Standard Deviance 

Yesterday I posted an unofficial picture of Saddam Hussein at the time of his capture. I learned of these pictures from a CNN.com article. Yesterday afternoon, the pictures on my blog stopped working. It appears that the pictures in my MSN group have all been deleted (they have red Xs in the pictures). Other MSN groups seem to be working fine, however. Many of the sources of the Saddam pictures on the internet seem to have been deleted, including the CNN article I cited yesterday.

You can think what you like, but it seems quite odd to me that my pictures were deleted shortly after I added the Saddam picture, and that now the CNN article that reported them is no where to be found. Has the government actually turned their fiery gaze on to little old Standard Deviance? Hmmm...

I will try and repost the other pictures quickly. But I think I'll be laying off the Saddam pictures for a while.


Friday, January 16, 2004

A Case of Serious Bed Head 

Unofficial (and unflattering) photos of Saddam floating around the internet.


This would affect me if I had any money 

Taxi fares are scheduled to increase by 25% this spring, according to the Daily News. I should be enraged. However, the only time I take cabs is when I'm drunkenly stumbling home, and seeing how the next day I never remember how much it was, this is really of no consequence to me.

Anyway, I have my own personal stretch limo, where I always ride in the back. It's called the F train.

Daily News

Silvio Berlusconi and Six Degrees of Michael Jackson 

In the New York Times today there is an article covering Silvio Berlusconi's recent absence from public life. There is a rumor going around Italy that the current EU president has taken a mini vacation to have a nip and a tuck around his eyes. So, is it possible to connect Mr. Berlusconi and Michael Jackson within six degrees? Let's see.

Michael Jackson's 1997 HIStory tour was managed and produced by Tarek Ben Amar
who was appointed advisor to Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi for the Middle East and North Africa due to their long friendship from business partnerships.

Michael Jackson to Silvio Berlusconi in 2 degrees. Who knew it could be done!

New York Times


Thursday, January 15, 2004

One-Bedrooms cost a Bajillion Dollars 

Today there was a nice little article in the New York Times about the average prices of one-bedroom apartments. A one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan this year cost an average of $470,000. Let's see, at that price and my current income, also taking into account future schooling and future income I will be able to buy an apartment in... hmmm....carry the one..........NEVER!

I will Rent Forever


Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Mom Wanted 

Someone on Craigslist is looking for a mom. He's a 24 year old momma's boy, looking for some love.

Hey, that sounds like most of the guys I know.

i need a MOM

Franken to Launch Radio Show 

Progress Media is planning to launch a radio network with Al Franken, of "Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them" fame, as their main host. He will occupy the 12-3pm slot, which will directly challenge Rush Limbaugh's show, airing at the same time. Man, I've been waiting for this. It seems that people have only been shooting back at Fox News and the like via books (with the exception of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show). This is going to be fun!



Tuesday, January 13, 2004

By The Way... 

New Yorkers are pissed. See how it feels to have Roger screw you over?
Also, Gothamist brought up a very good question. Will he return the Hummer his teammates bought him for a retirement gift? Emily Posts says he must.

New York Post

Does No One Have Integrity Anymore? 

Apparently there is a scandal involving 60 Minutes and their interview of Michael Jackson. Ed Bradley interviewed Jackson on December 28th, and Jackson performed in an entertainment special on January 2nd. Apparently the special had been taped some time ago but was not going to be aired because of the molestation charges. CBS told Jackson that they wouldn't air it unless he agreed to an interview, and unless the special was aired he would not be paid. Thus interview=cash. 60 Minutes claims that they knew nothing about this arrangement, but even the hint of it makes me sad. I thought I could count on 60 Minutes. Next thing you know Lesley Stahl will be go-go dancing in the intro.

Is nothing sacred?


Monday, January 12, 2004

Six Degrees of Michael Jackson 

It's true - members of the rubber mask club all seem to be six degrees of separation away from Michael Jackson. We've already seen that all of Jacko's relatives and David Gest are one degree away, but I wondered - could I connect him to Joan Rivers? Here we go:

Michael Jackson has hired Mark Geragos to defend him against the child molestation prosecution
who has hired Zvonko "Bill" Pavelic to investigate the prosecution's witnesses
who used to be a security guard for Johnny Carson
who had Joan Rivers as a guest host on The Tonight Show for years.

4 degrees separation between Jacko and Joan Rivers.

Send in your entrants for the Rubber Mask Club and Standard Deviance will attempt to connect the member with MJ within six degrees.

Mail your Entrants now!

Another Member of the Rubber Mask Club 

I wonder if there are only six degrees of separation between every qualifying member of the rubber mask club and Michael Jackson. There's only one degree between Jermaine in Michael, but I wonder if Joan Rivers can be connected to MJ within six degrees.

Also, Jermaine stated, "My brother is innocent; he is 1,000 percent innocent." Well I think he's 1,000,000 percent wrong about that.


Rogah Dodgah to go to Texas. Yee Haw! 

Roger Clemens is said to have signed a one year contract with the Houston Astros. Beeing the Masshole that I am, I take enourmous amounts of glee in watching Rodger and Andy Pettitte thumbing their noses up at Steinbrenner and the Evil Empire. Oh this is going to be a fantabulous year for baseball!

Take that, you Yankee Bastages!!

Thos Gangstas at the New York Times Get Down with the Blingage 

For those of you who want to brush up on your hip-hop marketing, don't bother with The Source or some other industry magazine. Instead, you can turn to your friends at the New York Times for a careful breakdown of new hip-hop PR. In an article entitled "Sweeten the Image, Hold the Bling-Bling" the Times' covers the change in marketing strategies of hip-hop stars. They survey such issues as the 50 Cent/Ja Rule feud, Diddy running the City, and of course the age-old classic of Dre, Snoop, and Death Row. See the following example of the Times discussing 50 Cent's multi-faceted persona:

"On the song '21 Questions' he even plays up his tender side. 'I love you like a fat kid loves cake,' he says to a paramour who stands by him while he is in prison."

While I am fairly sure that 50 does not know the meaning of paramour, it's a nice little article. And it's always fun when the Times gets down with the urban youth.
Fo' Shizzle.

Go Shorty, It's Your Birthday


Friday, January 09, 2004

Orange Alert will be Lowered to Yellow Today 

According to our friends at CNN, the country's terror alert level will be lowered from Orange to Yellow later today. Thank God. Since the alert level was raised to Orange, I've been avoiding high-risk areas like the subway, Wall Street, the Brooklyn Bridge, etc. Wait, wasn't I on the Brooklyn Bridge on New Years Eve? Hold on, don't I work on Wall Street and travel there via the 2-3 train? Heck, are you telling me that these alerts have no practical significance? Well, at least I won't have to see that damn orange bar on the cable news anymore. Yellow is a much prettier color.



Thursday, January 08, 2004

Stop Mutilating Yourself!! 

Liza Minnelli and David Gest were supposed to meet in court yesterday, but David did not show up. His lawyers claimed that he was unable to fly to New York from Hawaii because he is recovering from a beating doled out by Liza. To quote his lawyer, "Yesterday he had 20 injections in his head".

Hmm, let me think. David Gest. Close friend of Michael Jackson. His face looks strikingly like a rubber mask. Obviously he's had a bit too much plastic surgery. Yet, he had "20 injections in his head" to supposedly cure his injuries. Of course the injections were of some medical nature, certainly not botox. I believe that.

New York Times


Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Sisterly Bonding Compliments of AIM and the OC 

Scene: an AIM conversation between myself and my 16 year old sister

Ellen : i'm so confused about oliver

Auto response from Princapessa: getting ready for beddy
oc tonight- wtf? soooo goodddd

Ellen: b/c according to you he's lying about who he is

Ellen: but how come anna hasn't made the connection - she supposedly knew the person who really threw the New Years Eve party

Ellen: I mean, obviously he's looney tunes, but still if he's lying about who he is, how is he getting them into all these places?

Princapessa: yeah this is weird

Princapessa: i still think hes lying

Ellen: i think you're probably right and he is lying, but I think it's a hole in the story line that Anna hasn't figured it out

Princapessa: yeah

Princapessa: b/c they wouldn't put that in there

Princapessa: i think he just knows the people who own it and hes like living there

Ellen: maybe she's too busy with seth to noticed

Ellen: and btw Summer is soooo NOT okay with it

Princapessa: but summer isnt going to let that happen

Princapessa: hahah i know

Ellen: exactly

You're not Seth Cohen.

Getting Fired for Your Blog 

Apparently this story of the sad blogger who got fired for his blog is spreading all over the country. Boston.com reported the story today. However, I think everyone is getting a little over-zealous with this firing fear. Notice these key facts about the guy who got fired:

a) he was blogging about his job
b) he posted internal company information
c) he posted a photograph of a loading dock at his work.

Duh, of course you're going to get fired. I think the key to not getting fired for your blog is to not blog about your job. I don't know why you would want to do that anyway. My whole reason for blogging is to force myself to think about things other than my job.

But I am keeping Blogger's article on how not to get fired on hand in case of emergency.

How Not to get Fired Because of Your Blog

Restaurant Review: Joya 

Joya is an industrial-looking Thai place located on Court Street in Cobble Hill. I have been checking it out for many months, but as my boyfriend claims that he doesn't like thai, I have never been. Last Sunday I told him since we've been to almost every other restaurant in the neighborhood numerous times we had to go.

The wait was fairly short, and there was a nice bar to hang out at in the meantime. My boyfriend determined that the reason that he did not like Thai was that he doesn't like coconut milk curry. At Joya, however, there are many non-curry dishes on the menu, so even he enjoyed his dinner. Our food was excellent, and a great value at $7 a plate. The green curry chicken had a bit to a kick to it (as it's supposed too) but was definitely less spicy than at some Thai places I've been to. On the downside it appeared that our waitress was working practically the whole floor, and thus it was tricky to catch her eye for more water.

All in all it was an excellent dinner, and I plan to make Joya part of my eating-out circuit in Cobble hill.

Pros: good price, tasty food, hip vibe
Cons: slightly understaffed, CASH ONLY (which is a serious drawback in Cobble Hill, where every ATM charges you $1.50 in addition to the fee you pay at your bank)

Joya on Citysearch

BoCoCa Restaurant/Bar Reviews 

BoCoCa stands for BOerum Hill, CObble Hill, and CArroll Gardens, three neighborhoods in Brooklyn with an abundance of excellent restaurants and bars. I live in Cobble Hill and often like to check out where I plan on eating/drinking before I go on the internet. However, I have found that although there are MANY very good eating and drinking establishments in the area, very few of them are reviewed on the internet. So, for you Brooklynites out there, Standard Deviance will be posting reviews of BoCoCa resteraunts and bars. I am here to serve the needs of the internet community.

Disclaimer: I think BoCoCa is a silly name. It's trying a little too hard to be like SoHo and TriBeCa. But you try writing "Boerum Hill, Cobble Hill, and Carroll Gardens" numerous times. It's long. Sorry, I'm lazy.

Canuck Cow Watch: Day 11 

The Washington Cow diagnosed with Mad Cow, or Crazy Daisy as I like to call her, has been definitively traced via DNA evidence to a farm in Alberta, Canada. Score: USA 1, Whipping Boys 0.

New York Times


Tuesday, January 06, 2004

By the way.... 

I think Britney's new man would make an excellent speechwriter for George W:

"We both started realizing what we had done," Alexander said. "Then we started telling people what we done did. That's when all hell broke loose."

Daily News

Couple of the Year 

I'd like to name Britney Spears and her new husband, Jason Alexander, Standard Deviance's Most Ridiculous Couple for 2004.

Wait, they're annulled? Whatever, that's even better. Hail our reigning couple, Britney and Jason! Who can overturn them? Let's watch and see - I predict Ashton and a knocked-up Demi as the only possible contenders for the throne. Bennifer, you ask? Don't even start with that shit.

We Love you, Britney and Jason!

Canuck Cow Watch : Day 10 

The Canadians are fighting back. The New York Times reported today that Canadian cow farmers are peeved with the US's attempt to blame Mad Cow on them. Bill Brownstein of the Montreal Gazette summed up the situation perfectly: " 'And now it appears that their mad cow came from Canada,' Mr. Brownstein wrote. 'There is no respite. Or respect. We have become their whipping-boy, their 98-pound weakling.' But, he continued, 'We are entirely blameless in the matter of Michael Jackson.' "
I don't know what's funnier - that the Canadians admit that they are a 98 pound weakling, or that Mr. Brownstein actually managed to include Jacko in an article about Mad Cow. O Can-a-da!

Whipping Boys talk Cows


Sunday, January 04, 2004

By the way.... 

Tim Russert got a little CRAZY this morning on Meet the Press. He was interviewing Wesley Clark on the Dean runningmate issue. Read on:

"MR. RUSSERT: Let me go through this whole exchange with Governor Dean that you had about the vice presidency. In December you said this. "...as a matter of fact, [Howard Dean] did offer me the vice presidency...it was sort of discussed and dangled before I made the decision to run." "It was a meeting that we had...This was in early September." Governor Dean responded "...I can tell you flat out" that "I did not ask [Gen. Clark] to be by running mate." Who's telling the truth?

GEN. CLARK: Well, I don't think we need to play semantic games with this. I stand by what I said. And I also will tell you this, Tim. I'm not going to be Howard Dean's vice president.

MR. RUSSERT: You said something else: "I'm not going to be Howard Dean's Dick Cheney. We've already tried that model of government and it doesn't work. That's what misled America thus far."

GEN. CLARK: That's exactly right. We need people who are experienced not only in the domestic issues but in the foreign policy issues.

MR. RUSSERT: Another general who entered politics, William Sherman, was asked whether or not he would seek elective office. He said: "If nominated, I will not accept. If elected, I will not serve." If General Clark is nominated as vice president, will you accept?

GEN. CLARK: Well, I've said I'm not going to be the vice president, and that's what I stand by. I'm running to be president of the United States. This country needs a higher standard of leadership, Tim, and to get that higher standard, I'm going to have to be the commander in chief and the president of the United States. That's why I'm running.

MR. RUSSERT: But General Sherman had a very understandable formula: "If nominated, I will not accept." Is that your view?

GEN. CLARK: I'm saying that I'm not going to be the vice president. I'm not going accept that nomination. I can't make it any more clearer than that.

MR. RUSSERT: So if nominated, you will not accept the vice presidency?

GEN. CLARK: I'm running to be president of the United States. I am not running to be vice president, and I do not intend to accept that nomination, and I will not.

MR. RUSSERT: Absolutely.

GEN. CLARK: That's absolutely the facts."

Um, in case anyone didn't get it from that exchange Wesley Clark is NOT running for Vice President. I love it when reporters ask the same questions over and over again for no apparent reason.

Meet The Press

Dean-Clark & Spears-Durst : Two cases of He-Said, She-Said (or He-Said, He-Said) 

Who knew there were such parallels in politics and pop? Wesley Clark claims that Howard Dean asked him to run as Vice President on a Dean-Clark ticket. Dean denies it. This morning on Meet the Press, Tim Russert laid into Clark on the VP issue, and Clark re-stated that Dean did ask him. Does this remind anyone of a certain Limp Bizkit frontman claiming earnestly that he got "the nookie"from Ms. Spears? The difference - I actually believe Clark, but Durst is trying WAY too hard.



Friday, January 02, 2004

To Increase Diversity, INS provides Green Cards for Rich White Foreigners. 

On Tuesday, the INS conducted its Diversity Lottery (also known as the Green Card Lottery). The purpose of this lottery is to increase diversity in the United States by randomly selecting entrants to receive Green Cards. This year, the INS instituted a new electronic application where entrants must submit their information on-line and provide a digital photograph of themselves. This should make the lottery much more efficient and reduce errors. And I'm sure all the villagers in Central Africa have internet-ready iBooks hooked up in their thatched huts. Right next to the hole in the ground they use for a toilet.

New York Times

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