Mocking the World since 2003

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Quarter Start Market Watch 

Oh, silly readers. Do you really think I would do a post about the employment numbers or the NASDAQ? This post is about the "Money Honey", Maria Bartiromo. Ms. Bartiromo appeared on Squawk Box on Monday morning with her regular hair, layered and off her face. However, by the time Closing Bell aired, she was sporting new bangs. New quarter coming up, so a new hairstyle for Maria.

Many market watchers put aside the possibility of Steve Case reacquiring AOL or the impending cutback in production by OPEC and looked into a more pressing issue: What does the hair mean? Then new bangs give Ms. Bartiromo a punkish look. She can look business by day, CBGBs by night. Perhaps the bangs are a sign that the market is going to toughen up and make a comeback. However, did Maria want such short bangs? Standard Deviance has been the victim of many a bad set of bangs (one set were particularly traumatic, causing hairdresser phobias to this day) and unexpectedly short bangs can wreak havoc on a woman's emotions. SD loves the bangs, but if Maria was expecting something a bit longer, the bangs may be upsetting her. Her market commentary could become terse thus disappointing the legions of traders who lust after her every day and bringing upon the fall of the economy. Outlandish you say? You obviously have not had a bad haircut.

Whatever the hair means, we know one thing: Her lips are fabulous.

Bang-up job on Wall St. [NYDN]

Welcome to
Standard Deviance.
Today's specials are humor and satire.

RSS Feed
Atom Feed
Looking for standard deviation? Click Here


Variance is down. Sorry.


Other Deviants


December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004


Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com
Subscribe with Bloglines


2RSS.com :: RSS directory