Mocking the World since 2003

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Martha to Serve Her Community? 

New York Representative Nydia Velazquez is petitioning the judge in the Martha Stewart case to sentence Martha to community service. Rep Velazquez, who wants Ms. Stewart to serve at a low-income women's center in Bushwick, argued "As an entrepreneur who built a company from the bottom up, and created a label that is known the world over, Ms. Stewart's skills could be put to good use." Given Martha's many business and inter-personal skills there is much she could teach the women of the Maura Clarke-Ita Ford Center. To help her get started, Standard Deviance has created a syllabus for the course.

How to Gain Money and Alienate People: The Martha Stewart Way.
Lesson 1: How to Assert Control in Your Life, or How to So Estrange Your Husband that He Files for Divorce on the Same Day you Release your Bestselling Book Entitled "Weddings".
Lesson 2: How to Make Tasty Hand-Made Pastries, or How to Make Women Across the Nation Feel Inadequate.
Lesson 3: How Best to Deal with Surprising Conflicts, or How to Chop a Head of Lettuce.
Lesson 4: How to Know When to Stop, or How Not to get Arrested for a Paltry $300,000 Stock Transaction.
Lesson 5: How to Win the Sympathy of Others, or When Not to Carry a $7,000 bag.

Stewart May Work in Brooklyn Neighborhood [AP]
Martha Stewart [Wikipedia]
Courtroom Style [Gothamist]

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