Mocking the World since 2003

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Shut Up Already 

Lately things have been getting to Standard Deviance. Whether it be something ending or something being brought back, I'm really sick of hearing people talk endlessly about the same topics. Really. Here's a list of these offending overly-talked about topics, and a rating for how much I want people to shut up already.

Seriously. If I read one more headline about "The End of an Era" or see one more Katie-Couric-hosted tribute I am going to gouge my eyes out. However, that really wouldn't be sufficient as I would still be able to hear Chandler say "Could I be any more annoying?" I'm DVR-ing the episode tonight but I may just delete it to spite NBC. If I do keep it I will definitely fast forward through the commercials so that the $2 million those sucker advertisers paid will have been wasted. Plus, can we just remember that ever since "We were on a break" this show has sucked. So, to all the authors of the following articles, please, please, for the love of God stop typing. Go cry in your bed if you have to, but I can't stand it anymore.

Shut Up Rating: 11.5 (out of 10, so really, shut up already)
The End of "Friends" [E!]
'Friends' Finale to Be Released on DVD [AP]
The 'Friends' close the door [CNN]
Rembrandts Don't Want to Be 1-Hit Wonder [AP]
Twilight of the Sitcom Gods (Cue the Strings) [NYT]

Okay, I am a Morrissey fan. The Smiths were a great band and it's fabulous music for when you want to kill yourself. Kind of like how I feel now when I read another bloggers post about his tour. ENOUGH ALREADY! You are causing me to hate a musician I would otherwise like. I am starting to get Dave Matthews syndrome with Morrissey: DMB is not terrible, but there are so many Abercrombie-wearing asses out there who go on and on about how seeing "Dave" in concert is soooo moving that it causes me to hate Dave Matthews with a passion only rivaled by my current hate for Friends. And now you Buddy-Holly-glasses-wearing bloggers are doing this to me with Morrissey, a musician I actually like to begin with. Please stop. I don't care what the set list was. How many nights is he at the Apollo again? I DON'T CARE. You're flying all the way from somewhere boring to see him? That's what happens when you live somewhere boring, I really don't want to hear about it. So, to all the bloggers listed below, don't take this the wrong way, but seriously you are causing me to hate everything Morrissey-related. And that is a sin.

Shut Up Rating: 9
Inbetween Days [Stereogum]
Morrissey Watercooler [Stereogum]
Morrissey Live In New York [Stereogum, anyone else seeing a pattern?]
A Love Letter to Morrissey, my fellow celibate [Celibate in the City]
MORRISSEY, Monday May 3 at the Apollo Theater [Lindsayism]
meme not [fiftyfivehundred.org]

Bush Kerry Poll Results
Neck-and-Neck you say? Really close? Who knows who will win? No shit, Sherlock. God knows Standard Deviance loves political humor, but I am sick to death of hearing how close they are in the polls. It's going to be close. Maybe Nader will affect the results. Who cares, the election is six months away, can we please focus on something important (No, not the Friends finale, you jackasses). CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, please please, cover something else.

Shut Up Rating: 7
Bush's Approval Rating Drops [VOA]
Bush Approval Ratings on Iraq, Economy at New Lows, Gallup Says [Bloomberg]
Gallup poll shows tight race for presidency [CNN]
NBC poll: Pessimism not sticking to president [MSNBC]

Whew. I feel better.

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